Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Florida Lawmakers Buy Into Pixels Panic

Dealing with the pressing problems of the state, lawmakers in Florida House of Representatives made fools of themselves. Amanda Prestigiacomo reported on it at The Daily Wire:
On Tuesday, Florida lawmakers in the House of Representatives declared pornography a public health crisis.
We've been over this. It isn't a public health crisis.
The approved resolution states that "there needs to be more education, research and policy changes to protect Florida residents from porn," reports the Associated Press.
More "research". Yeah. How many of those lawmakers are already "researching"?

Monday, February 19, 2018

Stop Adding Chaos To Your Child's Life

I've listed many reasons why most people should avoid having children, getting married, or even being in a relationship at all.

I know full well most people will still do these things.

If someone doesn't want children, they should ensure they won't. Men who don't want children should get vasectomies and women should get tubal ligation or have their ovaries and/or uterus removed, whatever is best for them given their health considerations.

But if someone is going to have children, they have a moral obligation to set up the best situation they can to raise those children, who have no choice in the matter except to go along with what their parents set up.

That means:

1) Finding a suitable person of the opposite sex. [1]
2) Marrying them. [2]
3) Treating that person well. [3]
4) Building a stable, suitable life for raising children. [4]
5) Then having children.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who do #5 before (or without ever doing) the others, even before #1. And there are also people who, because they didn't really do #1 or #3, they end up divorced or widowed or separated (physically even if not legally). So there are many children now living in what we call a broken home, meaning mom and dad are not living together, raising their child together.

Dr. Laura (and maybe others?) insists that parents of minor children should not remarry until their youngest child is grown and certainly not make more babies. She goes further and says that the existing minor children should not even be exposed to a parent's new lover. So many people think this stance is bizarre. It just sounds so radical to them because parents of minor children getting into new relationships is so common these days.

But I agree with her.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Does Saving It Make it Better or Divorce-Proof Your Marriage?

A letter was printed at from someone who endorses saving sex for marriage:
Abstinence until marriage is the best!!! It's also the BEST gift you could ever give your future spouse.

To say you WAITED for them, instead of shacking up and throwing the benefits and blessings of marriage to the wind. If you do have sex without the blessing of marriage, you rob yourself and your partner of the best blessing you will ever know.

Its not anything special if you don't wait.
No indication is given as to the sex of the writer, but I think it is safe to say it is a written by a devoutly religious married woman who is happy with her husband, at least for now.

Let's look at it bit by bit.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Dating Without Marriage in Sight

Good Catholic Husband Matt Walsh commanded people not to date if they don't want to get married. Dr. Laura has often told men they shouldn't be dating unless they're prepared to pay for a wife and kids. And she's also said people shouldn't marry until their late 20s. So I guess that means no dating for her followers until then. Here's Wash's column at Daily Wire.

It’s no secret that my generation is extremely delayed in the marriage department.
That's the first line. I wasn't aware there was a requirement to be married by a certain age.
The average age of marriage is now 27 for women and almost 30 for men.
That sounds about right.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

More Attempts to Arrange the Deck Chairs

Sheila Gregoire has a pretty good "Christian marriage" blog. It's one of the better ones of many, many, many blogs out there trying to save the train wreck we call marriage today. The fact that there are so many blogs out there trying to do this should tell you something.

Anyway, she had a guest blogger offer "Top 10 Ways Husbands Can Improve Their Sex Lives" and I think the best way is to not be a husband in the first place. But of course that's not part of what that blog is going to say.
Last year I wrote a post on 10 ways women can make sex amazing for their husbands–and this Valentine’s Day I thought I’d do the opposite. And one of my awesome male readers offered to write it! So here’s Keith Schooley from The Schooley files with some great advice for us this Valentine’s Day.
Fair enough. Let's see what Keith has to say.

Don't Fall For the Valentine's Day Trap

Men, whether you're in a new relationship or a long-term one, don't fall for the trap of proposing or marrying on Valentine's Day.

If you proposed over the holidays, it was probably a mistake to do so and you should seriously consider backing out.

It's generally a good idea to avoid exclusive relationships to begin with, but if you're in a relationship in any given year, it's a good idea to break up or become very scarce before Thanksgiving and to keep things that way until at least February 15. If her birthday or any of your "anniversaries" with her are just before Thanksgiving or just after Valentine's Day, extend that "off" period to cover that.

But here we are. Valentine's Day is about a month away as I write this, and so if you're in a relationship, then if she's like most women, she's going to expect you to put a lot of time and money into celebrating. You're expected to jump through hoops. Why???

Get out. Hit the eject button. And seriously consider not getting back into the relationship.

[This has been bumped up because you need to see it.]

Monday, February 12, 2018

Dr. Laura and the Dilemma of Facebook

[This is from July 2013, but I'm bumping it up because it is relevant.]

While I'm a huge fan of Dr. Laura Schlessinger and her media offerings, and agree with her on many important things, I do have my quibbles with what she tells listeners/callers. Many of those quibbles have to do with technology.

Dr. Laura started off her show yesterday talking about social media, and what not to put on your Facebook page (you know, pictures of you getting drunk… stuff like that). She again took the opportunity to say that people shouldn’t have personal Facebook pages. If her listeners didn’t, however, they wouldn’t be able to comment on her show’s Facebook page, which daily solicits comments on various topics.

What Dr. Laura may not know, because she makes it clear she doesn’t have a personal Facebook page, is that people can adjust their settings so that their Facebook pages are completely private. And yeah, I know there may be an occasional breech by a hacker, or an error on the part of Facebook, or one of those annoying deliberate overhaul of the settings Facebook seems to do every few months and it might “default” people into having things “public” that they want private. Even so, people can be limited about what they put into their Facebook to begin with.

In the third hour, she got a call from parent asking when a child should be allowed to be on social media. Dr. Laura said "18". She said it doesn't hurt the child to NOT be on social media.

I disagree. It can definitely hurt the child, because if someone isn’t familiar with current, commonly used ubiquitous technologies, it could be limiting to everything from their education, to keeping up on current events, their access to information, their employment, and their careers.

Dr. Laura said that if it hurts not having it, then every generation before this one would have been damaged. She has often said previously “I didn’t have an iPad or smart phone when I was growing up. Somehow I survived.”

This can be said about ANY technology or innovation when it comes to previous generations, from television to radio to automobiles to telephones to bicycles to public libraries to spears with sharpened stones as tips.

Technology is a tool. It can be used for good or ill. Humanity moves on, and if people are not going to avail themselves of widely used technologies, they can be left behind.

Think about this. The typical modern office uses desktop and/or laptop computers and usually smart phones and tablets as well. A business or most other organizations are going to have websites and quite often a dynamic presence in social networking services. If you were hiring someone for a job in such an office, all other things being equal about two candidates for the job, are you going to hire an Amish person who has no previous experience even with anything electrical, or the person who knows how to use social networking to the benefit of the office’s mission?

Even looking for a job has changed. Back “in the day”, Dr. Laura would have had to pound the pavement to submit applications, after finding job listings in newspapers. If someone stuck to that now, they’d be very limited compared to the person who can find AND apply for jobs anywhere in the world from their own home.

Yes, some people reveal too much online or do stupid or evil things with social networking. But did you know that, unless you have purchased your home in a revocable trust (something most people don’t do) it isn’t hard for people to find out where you live? That can be dangerous. So do we all go live in caves?

Parents should allow their kids to have a limited, monitored presence on social media so that the kids can learn how it works and what it can do. One of the benefits for me is that I have had edifying conversations with people I would not have otherwise met. A parent may worry that their kid will seek a work-around to subvert the monitoring by their parents, but if that’s the child’s mindset, they’re probably going to use social media anyway through a library or their friend’s house and there’s a bigger problem going on anyway.

ADDITION October 26, 2016: There's nothing wrong with adults already established or retired from their careers having Facebook accounts, either. Facebook is, basically, a web organization tool, bringing together many things that used to be offered by different services and tying them together. It can help small businesses, it can help families and friends stay in touch, and it can help people stay organized, Nobody has to place any private information there for public consumption. Dr. Laura will tell people to pick up the phone and call people or drive to see them in person. There is not always possible, and on Facebook a group of people can be engaged in a way that simply wouldn't be possible in-person. Facebook and  other online tools should not replace in-person interaction. But they can augment them and "extend" them in beneficial ways. Technology marches on, like it or not.

I've written about Dr. Laura and technology before, here, here, here, here, and here.

Thursday, February 08, 2018

Oh No! Not Lower Fertility Rates!

If you don't know what "fertility rates" are, it refers to the average number of children born to a group.

There are people freaking out that certain populations are having fewer children. Who? Well:
  • People who want more taxpayers around to support the government-run ponzi schemes like Social Security
  • Government agencies (and their unions) that rely on saying they need to serve children in order to keep their funding
  • Businesses that sell a lot of overpriced, quickly consumed or outgrown stuff for children
  • Businesses that "serve" children, such as day orphanages
  • Racists who are afraid the "wrong" people will outnumber their descendants
Now why are people having fewer children? Here are the reasons I can think of right now, in no particular order:

Wednesday, February 07, 2018

Men Should Protect Themselves

I first posted this here in 2008. It holds up. Minor changes may have been made here and there.

In previous posts, I wrote about laws and policies that could level the playing field somewhat between the sexes. Although those things are possible, I do not hold out much hope for them happening. Men should do what they can to protect themselves – their wallets, their hearts, their bodies, their autonomy - based on the way things are NOW.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Come up with a plan for your life. What are your priorities? What are your goals? What is your dream? What do you want to accomplish as far as family, friends, career, and hobbies? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have?

This will determine what you do and how you do it. Plans can change, but it is important to have a plan. If you want to serve God and get married and have kids, you are going to do things differently than if it want to travel as much as possible for pleasure, or if you want to reach the top of the corporate ladder.

There is no right or wrong answer to these questions – only what you need and want out of life. Don’t let other people tell you what you need, what you want, what you like – even if that other person has a vagina and is really, really hot. Only YOU know those things. One way for you to know is to look at your life so far and figure out what you have liked and what you have not.

If you want a career, pursue that career. If your highest priority is a career, serious, exclusive relationships can slow you down. They can distract you, take your time and energy, keep you from going where you need to go, putting in the hours you need to put in, socializing for the sake of networking, etc.

Plus, the more successful you are, the more options you will have in dates/finding a partner. Marriage-minded “ladies” like the security that comes with a man who is successful. “Golddiggers” are turned on by a fat wallet. Either way, it basically boils down to $$$.

Tom Leykis is BACK - But The End is Near

Talk show host Tom Leykis returned to doing live shows this past Friday, February 2, after announcing he was going to make an announcement on Wednesday, January 31, and that announcement being that he was going to be back on Friday to make some announcements. Got that?

After being very sick for weeks, and having a bad voice as a result, it was good to hear him back on the show and seemingly healthy. He ended up doing a show for about four and a half hours.

The biggest announcement he had is that he's ending his self-titled show this year. He didn't provide an exact date, but he said the show would not exist in 2019.

From what he said, it sounds like there are multiple reasons for this.

Tuesday, February 06, 2018

Recent Dear Abby Columns Should Be a Warning Against Marrying

A couple of recent Dear Abby columns caught my eye. You can really learn a lot about why you don't want to get married or have children by reading Dear Abby.


My husband and I have been happily married for seven years. He recently graduated from his final residency, and after 11 years of post-high school education, he is finally out practicing.
During all those years, I supported us financially.
Awwww, how nice!

It's a Completely Different Culture Now

As Dr. Laura gets more and more experience dealing with callers who have been raised in a culture in which there is no discouragement of casual fornication (or shacking up), including teenaged fornication, she gets more likely to make a point of commenting on it when the caller or someone the caller is dealing with is involved in such behavior. (She seems to be somewhat wearied by the negative cultural shifts, which is certainly understandable as she deals with call after call with the ugly fallout of this societal breakdown.)

In the second hour of the show on Monday, August 10, 2015 [note that this entry has been bumped up] she had a call from a mother whose teen daughter had been staying with a friend, but slipped out and walked to a nearby home in which a boy was residing and had intercourse with him. It was presented as her first experience. Dr. Laura expressed disgust that the boy's parents were likely home and sleeping at the time; presumably the disgust was at the brazen flouting of morality and parental respect (which assumed the boy's parents would object, though it is entirely possible they wouldn't), because she expresses no disgust at the thought of grown, married people having sex while visiting and staying at a parental home. But I digress.

Dr. Laura urged the caller to ask her daughter how she felt about the experience. "Did she think it was love? Was it curiosity?"

That's where I want to scream at my listening device "How about IT FEELS GOOD!"?

She also threw in the "He's bragged to all of his friends" thing.

Dr. Laura often approaches this as though every teen girl is expecting that sex will always mean love, that no teen girl enjoys sex or ever puts her physical pleasure ahead of other considerations, and that teens still talk about sex the same way or that a teen girl is going to mind if other people know she had sex. There are other times Dr. Laura indicates that women enjoy sex but the way she talks about fornication, if it is all anyone heard from her on sexual matters, would give someone the impression that she doesn't think females enjoy sex. Females do enjoy fornication. Most don't enjoy it as much as marital lovemaking or might feel some negativity about it after it is over, especially if there is a breakup or a relationship doesn't actually form in the first place, but they do enjoy it if the guy is at all competent in what he's doing.

Yes, up into part of the 1960s, most girls didn't want people to know they'd fornicated, because most people lived their lives in the same rural community or urban neighborhood and there was a general cultural shame against fornication (sure, plenty of people were doing it, but they tried to keep it private) and if word got around, then the young men in the area would either not want her or the parents of the young man would strongly pressure him not to date her, but especially not to marry her. The school she attended and the religious congregation she attended might have taken action. It might even have been a criminal matter.

None of that is true anymore, at least in most places in the USA. As such, few girls who fornicate are going to mind if word spreads. Often, it isn't even talked about. It is just assumed that it is going on. There are teen girls who walk around school wearing condoms on their clothing to get attention (under the guise of trying to raise awareness in her peers); would such a girl give a rip if someone found out she was having sex?

But the way Dr. Laura often handles these calls, it is like she still thinks things are like they were when she was growing up. This time, she did go on to acknowledge that teen fornication is now seen as the norm and expected. During part of the call, though, I wanted to somehow break in and say something like, "Excuse me... she's a heterosexual girl who is turned on by males, this one in particular, and sex can feel good, even when it is fornication. It is like asking her why she stole the ice cream out of the freezer and if it tasted good while she ate it. Maybe she felt nervous, maybe a little guilty, or maybe she's worried about it going to her hips, but she liked the taste."

The frame of reference is way too different now. Saying something like "He doesn't love you! You're not going to have a lasting relationship with him! All of his friends know!" isn't going to have any dissuading effect on most teens these days. Rather, a better tactic, if religion isn't going to be invoked (and it's not a religious show, after all) is to convince teens that the risks (getting bonded to someone wrong for you, diminishing your ability to enjoy future intimate relationships, STDs, pregnancy) aren't worth the pleasure. Admit that it can feel good, but so can many other things that have a better time and place.

Anyway, I previously went over some of these issues in much depth here, and this is another entry that is relevant.

Monday, February 05, 2018

To What Should Males Aspire?

I recently heard Dennis Prager ask to what men would aspire if not marriage and raising a family. He's repeatedly said that guys are not real men if they aren't husbands and fathers. This is something heard from various corners of our culture, along with other assertion of what makes a guy a "real man".

Notice you never hear what makes a real woman. You never hear "What a real woman does, is..."

What is a guy if he isn't a real man? An artificial man? A transgender man? Of course, that's not what people are talking about. They are saying a "real man" as opposed to a man who is somehow lacking, or, as they might say, a "boy". There's nothing wrong with boys, at least not beyond the general thing of humans being fallen creatures. Again, you don't hear this with women. Women will refer to each other and themselves as girls and nothing negative is meant by it.

A real man is any adult human male who isn't fictional. For example, Prince Charming is fictional. Christian Grey is fictional. Jack Sparrow is fictional.

If there was such thing as a "real man" as opposed to an adult male who isn't a real man, that real man wouldn't give a piece of dung what other people say makes a real man. because when someone says, "What a real man does, is...",  what they're saying is "What I like men to do is..." Because real men urinate unless they have kidney problems, real man have weaknesses, and real men mess things up sometimes. But you'll never hear "What a real man does is urinate." But it's true.

Getting back to Prager's question...

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Response to a Widowed Mother

The most visited entry on this blog, by a mile, is about why men shouldn't date single mothers. It has garnered hundreds of comments. One came in today from Anonymous that prompted me to respond:

You really broke my heart, I'm new to the dating scene. My husband passed away for years ago I'm in my young forties and I have three little girls that I love dearly. My husband died of no fault of my own and I'm widowed. It looks like I have no hope to ever find someone to love me because I have 3 kids even though they have their own checks that come with them until they're 18 men don't know that unless I tell them. If what you say is really What Men really think then I have no hope. My heart is so broken your article is so sad
Anonymous, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. You have my sympathies. I can't imagine what you've endured.

As I wrote in the entry on dating single mothers, it's a little different for your situation (being widowed through no fault of your own).

The "good" news for you is that there are PLENTY of men who don't think these things through and will take on a woman with kids, even though people like me would urge him not to.

But there's a lot of bad news and potentially bad news, including that the pickings are slim for a woman in her 40s even if she is child-free.

While your situation is different from a never-married or divorced mom, there are still enormous risks for a man. And there are problems for you, too. Here are some of the problems you're still facing:

1) Marriages in which there are stepchildren (which your children would be to him) have a 70% divorce rate, and the other 30% aren't all happy.

2) That's just marriages. Most relationships do not even get to that point. Do your kids really need the drama of a new man coming into their life, and then the breakup and him going back out of their life? And you being upset about it?

3) What if he has kids? If you're looking for a serious, lasting relationship, most men in the age range you should be dating are going to have kids; some are even going to have grandkids. That makes it even more complicated and chaotic. Let's say he has minor kids. And he marries you. So now his kids get to come VISIT him raising YOUR kids. How do you think that makes those kids feel? And do you think your kids will want to deal with these interlopers?

4) Kids whose parents do not bring around a new lover into their kids' life have a much lower risk of being abused than kids who are exposed to their parent's new lover(s). In other words, it appears that bringing your new lovers around your kids makes it more likely they will be abused. Imagine for a second the mind of a pedophile. I know, it's an icky thought. But do you think a pedophile is more likely to choose a woman who has kids (and their father isn't around!) or a woman who has no kids? So, you're a target. Scary thought, but it's sadly true.

Seems to me the best thing to do is: 1) Make sure you're done having kids, either through tubal ligation or hysterectomy or whatever. 2) Until your kids are grown, date when your kids are with their grandparents or aunts or uncles or friends, so your kids never have to meet your new lover(s) while they are still minors.

And, if you do things that way, the good news is that you can expand the age range of men you'll date. So, for example, if you want to try being with a younger man, go for it! You can find a lot of them willing to date a mother in her 40s because a lot of the their age are too busy with older men to date them.

I hope I've given you some perspective.

Monday, January 29, 2018

The Horse is Out of the Barn and the Robot is Out of the Box

Grab some popcorn and some tea and peruse the panicked, hysterical shrieking of the controlling women and their enablers who can't stand the idea that more and more men will be enjoying robots that essentially amount to advanced dolls and sex toys.

Technology is always going to be applied to sex, if there is any way it can be. This is human nature.

Sex dolls and sex robots or whatever you want to call them will never be effectively banned. Aside from the fact that prohibiting the private ownership and use of personal objects isn't practical, how exactly do you ban these things without banning a bunch of other things? How do you define a sex robot or a sex doll? Some men will stick their penises in knotholes in a plank of wood. Are you going to ban planks of wood? No. So, are you going to ban all robots? All dolls? All sex toys or masturbation aids? Any three-dimensional representation of a person?

Despite the futility, some women are trying to ban these elaborate masturbatory aids.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Motivations Against Adult Media

I don't like it when people aren't honest and upfront about their motivations. I'm much more likely to deal with a salesperson who is honest than one that is pretending to do something out of the pure goodness of their heart or claiming a dire disaster will happen to me if I don't buy from them.

You see this sort of thing all of the time. People say they want to "legalize hemp" for medical marijuana or because practical products made from hemp are so much better than using petroleum. But once recreational pot is legalized these people seem to disappear. Or the "Indian gaming" pushes that say it'll be nothing like Las Vegas, and then once the laws are passed they run ads calling themselves the "shortcut to Vegas!"

This happens constantly when people talk about adult media. So many of the complaints are really about media, masturbation, male sexual nature, the nature of sex, etc. but people choose to only apply their complaint to adult media.

Some people breathlessly pronounce that if you watch "porn" you will become addicted, become impotent, rot your brain, and become a serial mass rapist-murderer. That, THEY CLAIM, is why they constantly warn people and call for restrictions ranging from censor/spyware they're selling to incarcerating people for making or watching video of adults having sex or pretending to. They dupe politicians into passing declarations that such material is a "public health crisis" even though it isn't, and offer a “cure” in the form of a book or “rehab” they’re selling. Or stickers and  t-shirts.

Let's get honest about why people freak out about porn.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

A Tale of an Alpha Male Father

One of Dr. Laura's favorite go-to stories about "alpha male" fathers dealing with boys who disrespect their mother is from a letter she got from a guy who recalls mouthing off to his mother until his father came into the room, grabbed him by the collar and/or pinned him up against the wall or some such maneuver, got into his face, and said "You will never talk to MY WOMAN that way!" And the letter writer claimed it worked.

Dr. Laura is very clear that the wording is "my woman" rather than "your mother", because the woman being disrespected is the father/husband's territory. That's her wording. This is one of the very few specific examples I've heard anyone, not just Dr. Laura, describe when they tell husbands and fathers to "man up" or "be a real man" or "be alpha" or "get control of your family". Apparently guys are usually supposed to magically know an effective tactic that follows from such admonitions. Like this:
Teen: Screw you!
Outside Observer: You can't let your son behave that way! Be alpha!
Father: [does the unexplained alpha tactics... because someone else told him to be alpha]
Teen: I love you, dad! I'll never be disrespectful again.
But here we have one of the very rare times a specific tactic is described. A few of observations about this anecdote: